Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar - Revision history

Teksura at 22:26, 2 April 2020

2020-04-02T22:26:39Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:26, 2 April 2020
Line 43:		Line 43:
	So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.		So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.

	The Professor, [[NewsSource::~~Shade Truth~~ Media]]. Stay safe out there.		The Professor, [[NewsSource::ShadeTruth Media]]. Stay safe out there.

	==Travel Advisory==		==Travel Advisory==

Teksura at 22:24, 2 April 2020

2020-04-02T22:24:14Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:24, 2 April 2020
Line 43:		Line 43:
	So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.		So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.

	The Professor, ~~ShadeTruth~~ Media. Stay safe out there.		The Professor, [[NewsSource::Shade Truth Media]]. Stay safe out there.

	==Travel Advisory==		==Travel Advisory==
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	[[Category:News]]		[[Category:News]]
	{{#set:hasDate=2080-8-27}}		{{#set:hasDate=2080-8-27}}
			{{#set:hasReporter=The Professor}}
	__SHOWFACTBOX__		__SHOWFACTBOX__

Darklordiablo at 23:07, 11 November 2019

2019-11-11T23:07:35Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:07, 11 November 2019
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	[[Category:News]]		[[Category:News]]
			{{#set:hasDate=2080-8-27}}
			__SHOWFACTBOX__

Darklordiablo at 21:47, 11 November 2019

2019-11-11T21:47:23Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:47, 11 November 2019
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	*Eat anything.		*Eat anything.
	*Touch anything.		*Touch anything.

			[[Category:News]]

Darklordiablo: /* Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar */

2019-08-27T12:39:41Z

Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:39, 27 August 2019
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	<Please insert your Truthchip></br>		<Please insert your Truthchip><br>
	<*..>		<*..>
	<.*.>		<.*.>
	<..*></br>		<..*><br>
	<Authenticated. Your Truthchip's code will expire in 985 hours>		<Authenticated. Your Truthchip's code will expire in 985 hours>
	<Don't forget to collect your new Truthchip for free from the Crime Mall></br>		<Don't forget to collect your new Truthchip for free from the Crime Mall><br>
	<..*>		<..*>
	<.*.>		<.*.>
	<*..></br>		<*..><br>
	<Welcome to [[ShadeTruth_Media\|ShadeTruth]], the media outlet for all your Seattle news needs>		<Welcome to [[ShadeTruth_Media\|ShadeTruth]], the media outlet for all your Seattle news needs>
	<Sponsored by '''Build-A-Blade Workshop''': Sharp toys, a unique blade every time!>		<Sponsored by '''Build-A-Blade Workshop''': Sharp toys, a unique blade every time!>
	<Protected by the Haven></br>		<Protected by the Haven><br>
	<--->		<--->
	<The Truth Shall Set You Free>		<The Truth Shall Set You Free>
	<---></br>		<---><br>

	<'''Today's Headlines:'''></br>		<'''Today's Headlines:'''><br>
	>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!</br>		>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!<br>
	>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age</br>		>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age<br>
	>[[Nothing is as it Seems]]</br>		>[[Nothing is as it Seems]]<br>
	> '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''</br>		> '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''<br>

	<Opening Selection...>		<Opening Selection...>
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	[[File:OneStarBar.jpg\|400px\|thumb\|right\|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]]		[[File:OneStarBar.jpg\|400px\|thumb\|right\|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]]

	Tragedy struck today, as a... tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing ~~it's~~ trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.</br>		Tragedy struck today, as a... tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing its trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.<br>
	"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned Corpse Vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."		"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned Corpse Vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."

	Virgil Bender took me on a tour of the bar, pointing out the features of his pride and joy.</br>		Virgil Bender took me on a tour of the bar, pointing out the features of his pride and joy.<br>
	"Now, I all these seats look passably comfortable, but I make sure to sharpen the springs weekly, or just remove them for a day or two, so nobody can work out a comfortable seat. Then there's [the firedoor]. I make sure that all the lights and everything works, but the door doesn't open wide enough for the skinniest of elves to get out, because of the building they built next door!"</br>		"Now, I all these seats look passably comfortable, but I make sure to sharpen the springs weekly, or just remove them for a day or two, so nobody can work out a comfortable seat. Then there's [the firedoor]. I make sure that all the lights and everything works, but the door doesn't open wide enough for the skinniest of elves to get out, because of the building they built next door!"<br>
	He then proceeds to show me how he cut the water line so that the office amenities work, but none of the other taps or bathrooms have more than a faint dribble of pressure. "Just enough to pass regulations!" Mr. Bender informs me. "And the water floodin' [into the wood] makes for that perfect water bug cultivation, which gives [The One Star] such a unique aroma."</br>		He then proceeds to show me how he cut the water line so that the office amenities work, but none of the other taps or bathrooms have more than a faint dribble of pressure. "Just enough to pass regulations!" Mr. Bender informs me. "And the water floodin' [into the wood] makes for that perfect water bug cultivation, which gives [The One Star] such a unique aroma."<br>
	"Now, The AC. This is a wonder of engineerin' on my part, if I do say so myself. Seventeen years, I managed to keep this AC splutterin' right on the edge of dying, without actually working. But I realised that there's a few days in September where it actually becomes quite pleasant in here. So I replaced the AC. Made this'un myself. It works just fine, despite appearances. While it seems to be splutterin' and dying, all it's doing is moving bits. but in September, it starts pumping out 20 degrees Fahrenheit in here. Oh, and I got it plumbed so that it keeps the door puddle at the right level."		"Now, The AC. This is a wonder of engineerin' on my part, if I do say so myself. Seventeen years, I managed to keep this AC splutterin' right on the edge of dying, without actually working. But I realised that there's a few days in September where it actually becomes quite pleasant in here. So I replaced the AC. Made this'un myself. It works just fine, despite appearances. While it seems to be splutterin' and dying, all it's doing is moving bits. but in September, it starts pumping out 20 degrees Fahrenheit in here. Oh, and I got it plumbed so that it keeps the door puddle at the right level."

	Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so the vessels were uniformly clean for a single night. "Ever since then, I've made sure to have a double set of glassware in rotation, so I can replace a full set without anything lookin' too clean." Says Mr. Bender.</br>		Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so the vessels were uniformly clean for a single night. "Ever since then, I've made sure to have a double set of glassware in rotation, so I can replace a full set without anything lookin' too clean." Says Mr. Bender.<br>
	The One Star Bar has always been one of those excellent dives to make a shady deal or meet with a prospective employer, so Mr. Bender recently decided to branch out to cater for the rising number of Japanese patrons the bar was receiving. He now stocks lukewarm Sake, which he enthusiastically heats with a microwave that probably should have been replaced sometime before the turn of the millennium.		The One Star Bar has always been one of those excellent dives to make a shady deal or meet with a prospective employer, so Mr. Bender recently decided to branch out to cater for the rising number of Japanese patrons the bar was receiving. He now stocks lukewarm Sake, which he enthusiastically heats with a microwave that probably should have been replaced sometime before the turn of the millennium.

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	==Travel Advisory==		==Travel Advisory==
	If traveling to the One Star Bar, please follow our handy list of safety precautions.</br>		If traveling to the One Star Bar, please follow our handy list of safety precautions.<br>
	'''Do:'''		'''Do:'''
	* Get your vaccinations beforehand. All of them. ''This is a good thing for Touristville in general, but it especially applies to the One Star Bar''
	* Take a gas mask. if feeling short of breath, put it on immediately.		*Get your vaccinations beforehand. All of them. ''This is a good thing for Touristville in general, but it especially applies to the One Star Bar''
	* Take a weapon and know how to use it. ''Again, it's Touristville''.		*Take a gas mask. if feeling short of breath, put it on immediately.
			*Take a weapon and know how to use it. ''Again, it's Touristville''.

	'''Don't:'''		'''Don't:'''
	* Drink anything.
	* Eat anything.		*Drink anything.
	* Touch anything.		*Eat anything.
			*Touch anything.

Darklordiablo: /* Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar */

2019-08-27T12:39:07Z

Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:39, 27 August 2019
Line 26:		Line 26:
	[[File:OneStarBar.jpg\|400px\|thumb\|right\|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]]		[[File:OneStarBar.jpg\|400px\|thumb\|right\|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]]

	Tragedy struck today, as a... ~~generally~~ tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing it's trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.</br>		Tragedy struck today, as a... tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing it's trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.</br>
	"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned Corpse Vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."		"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned Corpse Vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."

Darklordiablo at 12:16, 27 August 2019

2019-08-27T12:16:29Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:16, 27 August 2019
Line 18:		Line 18:
	>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!</br>		>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!</br>
	>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age</br>		>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age</br>
	>Nothing is as it Seems</br>		>[[Nothing is as it Seems]]</br>
	> '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''</br>		> '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''</br>

Darklordiablo: /* Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar */

2019-08-27T12:11:54Z

Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:11, 27 August 2019
Line 38:		Line 38:

	Now, In pursuit of how that tragic second star came into being, we delved into the P2.0 of the One Star Bar. We found an interesting trend of customers rating the place five stars with very poor reviews, mostly from touristy types. It seems that the One Star 'experience' was exactly what these tourists are after, and so they were rating it accordingly. We even found the incriminating 4-star review that tipped the establishment over the threshold of 2 stars:		Now, In pursuit of how that tragic second star came into being, we delved into the P2.0 of the One Star Bar. We found an interesting trend of customers rating the place five stars with very poor reviews, mostly from touristy types. It seems that the One Star 'experience' was exactly what these tourists are after, and so they were rating it accordingly. We even found the incriminating 4-star review that tipped the establishment over the threshold of 2 stars:
	<blockquote>★★★★☆ I couldn't be more disappointed with my visit, save for the fact that the ~~door~~ dripped on everyone else entering or leaving the bar, but not me. Even the Sake tasted burnt!</blockquote>		<blockquote>★★★★☆ I couldn't be more disappointed with my visit, save for the fact that the AC dripped on everyone else entering or leaving the bar, but not me. Even the Sake tasted burnt!</blockquote>


	So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.		So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.

Darklordiablo: /* Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar */

2019-08-27T12:03:08Z

Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:03, 27 August 2019
Line 40:		Line 40:
	<blockquote>★★★★☆ I couldn't be more disappointed with my visit, save for the fact that the door dripped on everyone else entering or leaving the bar, but not me. Even the Sake tasted burnt!</blockquote>		<blockquote>★★★★☆ I couldn't be more disappointed with my visit, save for the fact that the door dripped on everyone else entering or leaving the bar, but not me. Even the Sake tasted burnt!</blockquote>

	So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.		So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star, before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.

	The Professor, ShadeTruth Media. Stay safe out there.		The Professor, ShadeTruth Media. Stay safe out there.

Darklordiablo: /* Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar */

2019-08-27T12:01:53Z

Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:01, 27 August 2019
Line 35:		Line 35:

	Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so the vessels were uniformly clean for a single night. "Ever since then, I've made sure to have a double set of glassware in rotation, so I can replace a full set without anything lookin' too clean." Says Mr. Bender.</br>		Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so the vessels were uniformly clean for a single night. "Ever since then, I've made sure to have a double set of glassware in rotation, so I can replace a full set without anything lookin' too clean." Says Mr. Bender.</br>
	The One Star Bar has always been one of those excellent dives to make a shady deal or meet with a prospective employer, so Mr. Bender recently decided to branch out to cater for the rising number of Japanese patrons the bar was receiving. He now stocks lukewarm Sake, which he enthusiastically heats with a microwave that probably should have been replaced sometime before the turn of the millennium.		The One Star Bar has always been one of those excellent dives to make a shady deal or meet with a prospective employer, so Mr. Bender recently decided to branch out to cater for the rising number of Japanese patrons the bar was receiving. He now stocks lukewarm Sake, which he enthusiastically heats with a microwave that probably should have been replaced sometime before the turn of the millennium.

			Now, In pursuit of how that tragic second star came into being, we delved into the P2.0 of the One Star Bar. We found an interesting trend of customers rating the place five stars with very poor reviews, mostly from touristy types. It seems that the One Star 'experience' was exactly what these tourists are after, and so they were rating it accordingly. We even found the incriminating 4-star review that tipped the establishment over the threshold of 2 stars:
			<blockquote>★★★★☆ I couldn't be more disappointed with my visit, save for the fact that the door dripped on everyone else entering or leaving the bar, but not me. Even the Sake tasted burnt!</blockquote>

			So there you have it folks. The One Star Bar, currently at 1.9 stars, is dangerously close to that 2 star rating. So, if you get the terrible experience you were looking for, don't forget to rate the dump one star before you go take a bath hot enough to sear your skin off.

			The Professor, ShadeTruth Media. Stay safe out there.

	==Travel Advisory==		==Travel Advisory==