Billionaires BRAWL Over Brain-Dead Naga?! (Berlin Auction CHAOS!)

Zero Zone Podcast

Date: 2086-03-19 By: Jaxon 'Zero' Rook

Crow Holloway (guest): Oh yeah. The first time I did Zen, I sat in my apartment staring at the ceiling for six hours, convinced the paint swirls were telling me the secrets of the universe.

Zero (host): (laughs) See, that’s peak Zen experience right there! It doesn’t just get you high—it enlightens you. One tab, and suddenly you’re a philosopher-poet, contemplating the hidden wisdom of a flickering SoyCaf sign.

Crow Holloway (guest): Which is exactly why the corpos love it. A drug that makes people peaceful, introspective, and too blissed-out to complain about their wages? That’s a dream for them.

Zero (host): (mock corporate voice) Zen: Because reality is overrated. (bursts out laughing)

Crow Holloway (guest): (laughing) That’s too good. You should sell that to Horizon.

Zero (host): Oh, I’m sure they already have a focus group working on something even dumber. Speaking of corpos and people with way too much money—what do you know about moving auction houses?

Crow Holloway (guest): The what now?

Zero (host): Floating black-market rumoured to be run by the "Likedeeler", a major fencing operation from Hamburg. They travel from port to port, selling high-end contraband, rare artifacts, and occasionally, things that might be a little too cursed to own. There’s one called The Cabinet—just made a stop in Berlin with a haul of North Sea relics.

Crow Holloway (guest): Ooh, that’s pirate central, right?

Zero (host): Yeah, the Allied German States keep saying they’re going to clean it up, but there’s way too much money in deep-sea salvage. People are pulling up real old-world relics. Ancient merchant seals, shipwreck artifacts, stuff from when the world wasn’t a corporate dystopia.

Crow Holloway (guest): And I’m guessing all that ends up at The Cabinet?

Zero (host): Exactly. Picture a bunch of ultra-rich fraggers in tailored synth-silk suits, sitting on a boat, sipping pre-Crash wine, and outbidding each other over some rusty old goblet that was supposedly owned by a pirate king.

Crow Holloway (guest): Please tell me you have examples.

Zero (host): Oh, you know I do. Hey Nix, pull up the latest auction list.

Nix (AI show assistant): Got it. Displaying now.

[AR Display Appears]

Fossilized Drake Claw

Störtebeker’s Chalice

Living Brain-Dead Naga

Hanseatic Trade Seal

Shard of the Black Obelisk

Runed, Bronze Merchant Scale

Ceremonial Witch’s Mask

U-Boat Navigator’s Compass of the U5

Crow Holloway (guest): Holy frag, people are actually spending their nuyen on this junk?

Zero (host): Oh, absolutely. And you know half of it is fake. Every now and then, someone gets their hands on a real magical relic, but for the most part? You’re just buying a really expensive paperweight with a spooky backstory.

Crow Holloway (guest): Okay, hold up—Living Brain-Dead Naga? What the drek is that?

Zero (host): My guess? Exactly what it sounds like. Some poor naga, barely alive, hooked up to a life support tank, and now it’s a collector’s item for some corpo exec who thinks it looks good next to his stuffed Fenrir Wolf.

Crow Holloway (guest): (laughing) That is so fragged up. Who even comes up with this stuff?

Zero (host): The kind of people who have way too much money and zero sense. And get this—someone actually recorded two buyers getting into a screaming match over whether the naga was real. Nix, play the audio.

Nix (AI show assistant): Playing now. Recording translated from Cantonese to English.

Voice 1: [expletive deleted] your mother! Any imbecile could tell it’s a fake!

Voice 2: [expletive deleted] your whole family! You call yourself a collector? You’d have to be blind to think that’s a fake living brain-dead naga! Look at the color!

Voice 1: Come here and I’ll show you color!

[SCUFFLING SOUNDS, SECURITY RUSHING IN, AUDIO CUTS OUT]

Crow Holloway (guest): (laughing) Ahh, to be that rich and still that angry. What do you even do with a brain-dead naga?

Zero (host): I dunno, put it in the corner of your penthouse and let it stare into the abyss while you drink vintage absinthe?

Crow Holloway (guest): I feel like that is the vibe some of these rich fraggers are going for. But really, look at this list—Shard of the Black Obelisk? Sounds like some ancient horror trid prop.

Zero (host): Oh yeah, and you just know there’s some rich weirdo out there rubbing it like a magic lamp, hoping for eldritch secrets.

Crow Holloway (guest): (laughing) And instead they just get a really expensive rock.

Zero (host): Exactly! And don’t even get me started on the U-Boat Navigator’s Compass. What, you pay 200 grand and suddenly you can read old Nazi sea charts?

Crow Holloway (guest): Maybe it points to lost treasure.

Zero (host): Or maybe it just points to a really expensive scam.

Crow Holloway (guest): You know, if I was that rich, I’d be buying way cooler stuff than this.

Zero (host): Oh yeah? What would you waste it on?

Crow Holloway (guest): I dunno. Maybe a private orbital station. Or at least a really nice car. What about you?

Zero (host): Heh, have you ever tried Shade before?