Vandals break windows in Auburn

Horizon News Network

Bizarre rumors squashed by police investigation

Date: 2081-08-29

Three local youths were taken into custody after several business windows were shattered by homemade stink bombs, sources say. Rumors had circulated for hours after several residents called emergency services with similar claims that a "raging fart tornado exploded out of a stuffer shack." While the results of the following investigation were more mundane, there was still foul play at work.

Related interview (SINless resident): "It was a big ol' fart tornader. I SEEN WHAT I SEEN"

Residents and businesses were given the all clear within twenty minutes of the event, but owners say it may take weeks for the scent of rotten garbage to subside. Food retailers worry they'll be hit especially hard, and clothing retailers say that--despite their best efforts--the clothing still smells like rotten eggs.

The first business targeted, a local Stuffer Shack, has reopened its doors and--despite the distinctive odor--has returned to normal operations. During an interview, a customer noted "it pretty much smells the same as normal, dude. It's a Stuffer Shack."