Difference between revisions of "Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar"
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<Please insert your Truthchip><br> | <Please insert your Truthchip></br> | ||
<*..> | <*..> | ||
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<..*><br> | <..*></br> | ||
<Authenticated. Your Truthchip's code will expire in 985 hours> | <Authenticated. Your Truthchip's code will expire in 985 hours> | ||
<Don't forget to collect your new Truthchip for free from the Crime Mall><br> | <Don't forget to collect your new Truthchip for free from the Crime Mall></br> | ||
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<Welcome to [[ShadeTruth_Media|ShadeTruth]], the media outlet for all your Seattle news needs> | <Welcome to [[ShadeTruth_Media|ShadeTruth]], the media outlet for all your Seattle news needs> | ||
<Sponsored by '''Build-A-Blade Workshop''': Sharp toys, a unique blade every time!> | <Sponsored by '''Build-A-Blade Workshop''': Sharp toys, a unique blade every time!> | ||
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<---><br> | <---></br> | ||
<'''Today's Headlines:'''><br> | <'''Today's Headlines:'''></br> | ||
>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!<br> | >CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!</br> | ||
>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age<br> | >Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age</br> | ||
>Nothing is as it Seems<br> | >Nothing is as it Seems</br> | ||
> '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''<br> | > '''''Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar'''''</br> | ||
<Opening Selection...> | <Opening Selection...> | ||
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''By The Professor'' | ''By The Professor'' | ||
[[File:OneStarBar.jpg|400px|thumb|right|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]] | [[File:OneStarBar.jpg|400px|thumb|right|The One Star Bar, a fixture of Seattle's Touristville scenery]] | ||
Tragedy struck today, as a... generally tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing it's trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. | Tragedy struck today, as a... generally tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing it's trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.</br> | ||
"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned corpse vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."</br> | |||
Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so it was uniformly clean for a single night. | |||
==Travel Advisory== | ==Travel Advisory== | ||
If | If traveling to the One Star Bar, please follow our handy list of safety precautions.</br> | ||
'''Do:''' | '''Do:''' | ||
* Get your vaccinations beforehand. All of them. ''This is a good thing for Touristville in general, but it especially applies to the One Star Bar'' | * Get your vaccinations beforehand. All of them. ''This is a good thing for Touristville in general, but it especially applies to the One Star Bar'' | ||
Revision as of 11:10, 27 August 2019
<Please insert your Truthchip>
<*..> <.*.> <..*>
<Authenticated. Your Truthchip's code will expire in 985 hours> <Don't forget to collect your new Truthchip for free from the Crime Mall>
<..*> <.*.> <*..>
<Welcome to ShadeTruth, the media outlet for all your Seattle news needs> <Sponsored by Build-A-Blade Workshop: Sharp toys, a unique blade every time!> <Protected by the Haven>
<---> <The Truth Shall Set You Free> <--->
<Today's Headlines:>
>CAPTAIN FREEFALL Strikes again!
>Halloweeners blown back to Bronze age
>Nothing is as it Seems
> Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar
<Opening Selection...>
Two Star Blues at the One Star Bar
By The Professor
Tragedy struck today, as a... generally tolerated aspect of the Touristville bar scene is dangerously close to losing it's trademark. The One Star Bar has long been proud of the lowest rating a bar could possibly have while still being allowed to operate. However, Today they received 'congratulations' that they had passed the two star average rating. The Owner and Manager, Virgil Bender, was devastated to hear this news, even though the rating only lasted for 0.4 seconds.
"We've always worked hard to make sure we don't damage our brand here. Do you think it's easy finding staff too forgetful and lazy to change the water in the sink? And getting that 'Drowned corpse vodka' from the Vory can be a fragging nightmare some days."
Mr. Bender has been running this bar for thirty four years (nearly twice the average lifespan of someone living permanently in the area), and the highest rating he'd ever suffered he referred to as "The 1.6 of '67", when he'd had to replace all his glassware after a barfight, so it was uniformly clean for a single night.
Travel Advisory
If traveling to the One Star Bar, please follow our handy list of safety precautions.
Do:
- Get your vaccinations beforehand. All of them. This is a good thing for Touristville in general, but it especially applies to the One Star Bar
- Take a gas mask. if feeling short of breath, put it on immediately.
- Take a weapon and know how to use it. Again, it's Touristville.
Don't:
- Drink anything.
- Eat anything.
- Touch anything.