Ares Exec. Arrested

Samurai News

Date: 2086-2-20 By: Chip Truth

This is Chip Truth for Samurai News on the cutting edge of corporate reports.

-Ares Exec., Joseph Hartley, has been arrested this evening on allegations of attempted homicide. A man matching Hartley's description was seen at the Smiling Pony Bar & Grill in downtown San Francisco at around 4:00pm, where he reportedly brandished an Ares brand laser pistol and fired wildly into a crowd. Authorities have released a statement that there were only minor injuries suffered during the incident.

-Samurai News reached out to a colleague of Mr. Hartley, another Ares Exec. named Louis Kennedy, who was reportedly present during the shooting. Mr. Kennedy gave the following statement, "Hartley invited me out for drinks. One minute he was ordering a whisky, and the next he was ranting about having STDs. Then he pulled that pistol that he is so proud of and just started shooting the place up."

-We were also able to contact Mr. Hartley's wife for questioning. She had the following to say, "That cheating -----, you better believe he's guilty. I'm leaving that dirtbag, and his green little ---- can rot off for all I care!"

-Yowza! Well this is Chip Truth for Samurai News, reminding all of our readers to visit the doctor regularly! Stay tuned to Samurai News for more corporate updates!