Pizza Parlor Pasted

X-POS-A's News Blog

Date: 2084-10-29 By: X-POS-A

Friends! Redmond-ites! Today we mourn the loss of a new, but still well-loved establishment. Half a Slice pizza, the best joint north of Glow City, is shut down.

Okay, pompous drek outta the way. I have it on good authority that the cook and owner, Lee Owens, is super alive and super still making pizza! He's just got a food truck now. How do I know this? I found it, and I bought five cheese pizzas, and then I ate all of them just to make sure that it was really, really the same quality of pizza. And guess what? I was right! Here's a picture for all the rest of you grumps who think I'm talking out my ass.

<Below, X has posted a selfie of themself holding a comical number of pizza boxes with a brilliant smile. In the background, a disgruntled-looking elf can be seen peering out of a food truck - presumably one Lee Owens.>

Now, Lee didn't wanna talk about why he had to shut down. That's fine! That's fine, I always respect peoples' privacy. But come on, we don't need to really do any thinking there, right? Everyone knows Red Ledger's been expanding its turf kinda a lot. Bet you if you go in there tomorrow, you'll see a buncha debt-collecting thug-types eating all the leftover pizza! My bet's on them abandoning the building once all that food's gone.

So, from me, a personal fuck you to all you Red Ledger people out there! I liked sitting down for pizza and not getting day-old reheated drek. Now I have to stand and eat it outside a food truck. Rude.